"I felt much closer to the people I slept with than to my mother and
"It was very important for my coming out as a homosexual and my gay development."
BM-05 Ambar recounts
... the naked play
"He became my second very, very, very best friend and so began a wonderful, loving relationship. I still adore that man :-)"
BM-06 André & Peter
Both André and Peter agree that it was André who always took the initiative to become sexual. Otherwise, it would never have happened.
"Pierre always respected Anthony's boundaries and never forced him to do anything.
“I was in no way traumatized. [...] On the contrary, this man has given me many things, such as self-confidence."
and his gym teacher
"I loved it. It had to remain our secret and nobody was to know about it. No, of course not! I didn't want anyone to know about it either."
“It only made me and my adult partner happy.”
BM-10 Bill - Five to ten years
We enjoyed each others' company, sharing our thoughts and ideas on different topics, and setting our goals.
I told the judge that I consented to our relationship and what went along with it. He said that I was too young to make a "mature" decision.
BM-11 Björn &
He remarks that if one wishes to speak of seduction in this relationship, it was him who was the seducing party.
It gave the boy a lot of pleasure and he encouraged the instructor as much as possible.
I was not molested. I was loved and I feel I am better for it.
"During his 14th year he met an industrial representative who took him to a motel. He liked this adult who was approximately 40 years
of age. The man took Burt to dinner, bought him clothing, and gave him pocket money. They continued to meet many times, even after Burt married at the age of
[...] incredibly erotic, tremendous release, very pleasurable.
Carl was relatively late reaching puberty since he was beyond the middle of his 14th year before this occurred. [...]
... the engineer and Carl began discussing sex, which led to mutual masturbation. From this time until Carl reached his 22nd birthday there were many sexual occurrences between the two ...
Carl and his family still have contact with the engineer and his family and visit one another as often as possible.
"The moral of the story is this: I feel like the only real crime in this was the way I was treated by the authorities."
"It was nothing like how society says it is. I did what came natural to me, and nothing was forced on me, I actually felt love for him."
BM-19 Dennis - The most positive he has ever had
He saw himself as having the upper hand, because he felt he had control over the man, who went to great lengths to fulfill his wishes.
"Our data from a large number of samples demonstrate that positive occurrences are just as frequent as negative ones, and so both types should be acknowledged. To do otherwise is a distortion of reality."
Dirkjan - He took me seriously for who I was.
“I could talk to Gerard about all of my issues. When I was really
preoccupied by something, I would tell him [...]
Never before had there been anyone who took me seriously for who I was.
It made me very happy. [...]
[...] when we first had sex. I really was the one who provoked it. [...]
The relationship was ended rather abruptly. Gerard's wife started
getting terribly jealous. […] My friend could not deal with this and
he got a nervous breakdown. Eventually he was admitted at the
psychiatric unit of a hospital. Gerard was given a lot of medication and
they tried to make him confess that he'd had sex with Dirkjan. [...]
People are still so afraid of the subject of children and sex. Besides,
they approach it as if it were a criminal phenomenon. As if it never
happened within a context of love. [...]
- I think it gave me an advantage over my peers.
"I knew beforehand that he was never going to hurt me. I could trust him 100%. He was like a father or a friend to me. "
Gavin Lambert (1924-2005) was a British-born screenwriter, novelist and biographer. In his book
Mainly about Lindsay Anderson he includes an account of the amorous and sexual relationship he had from the age of 10 with a teacher from his so-called preparatory school.
"My teacher-lover made what happened between us seem completely natural, so he must have been experienced as well as handsome and kind. Nothing 'wrong' about what we were doing, he
BM-24 Gay bar
One man, at fourteen years old, researched the location of gay bars and met a man ...
After this experience, the boy visited the man very often, almost every day.
They remained lovers for decades.
BM-27 He changed my life for the
“My best relationship of my entire life was when I was 11 and the man was 28."
was very loving and caring
"I think the age of consent laws should be changed in the United States to allow responsible adolescent males to have relationships with older men. Notice the word responsible."
”I had this private tutor, who was a very important person in my life.
[...] I was an only child. So it was in some ways psychologically life-saving for me. I was very fond of the fellow.”
“It started when I was 12. We had gym at school and we all showered together afterwards in the locker-room. I had relations with several boys in my class, but I was more interested in adults.
I had a very good time with paedophiles, and for the rest, I don't think there should be a fixed age of consent. If there is a need on both sides, I don't believe the law should interfere. There was a time, I remember, when I was still 17 and my friend had just turned 18. Suddenly what we did together was criminal and he could have been punished for it."
“I felt this was very nice”
fell in love with him
"Eventually I fell in love with him; knew I was gay but did not broadcast this; I was curious because of the age difference."
"I never felt like a victim."
"Everything happened the way I wanted it to happen, I never did anything I did not want to do. There was
- It built his personality
He saw the relationship as very positive and said it built his personality (e.g., greater self-confidence) and influenced many of his tastes (e.g., an appreciation for literature).
“[Socrates] is extremely loyal to the boys he has had relationships with,” says Dubro. “And a lot of the boys could not have survived without his assistance."
"I remember telling him, as best I could, that I wanted it too."
Edward Brongersma quotes the testimony of Jo, a school boy of ten:
"Allan was a young school teacher of 24 who came to my primary school. At first I would walk home with him to talk and laugh. Then it came to staying for tea, and this relaxation in formal ties led to expressed affection. His hand stroking my leg, or ruffling my hair or stroking the back of my neck, or even my bottom. [...]
And we talked — about everything. Parents, adults, ideas, sex, heroes, TV, music [...]
It came to sexual contact through horse play. [...]
The notion of inability to give consent, validity, seem ludicrous. [...] Who is to say that it was not valid or that I could not consent to it just because I was 10? [...]
Brandon: Did you feel, throughout your relationship, that there was any kind of power differential?
John: Power differential? Do you mean, like, could Malcolm manipulate me?
Brandon: Right, that. Or did you feel in any way subservient?
John: No, I wouldn’t say so. There wasn’t a power differential, though there was a wisdom differential. I understood that, and I liked
it — I didn’t expect to know as much about people or the world as Malcolm did, and neither did he. But he took me seriously, anyway.
Brandon: And you weren’t manipulated?
John: No, I don’t think so. He could have manipulated me if he tried, maybe, but that’s true in almost every relationship. Someone has the ability to manipulate the other person. That’s not what’s dangerous: It’s actually
using that ability that causes problems. Besides, I could manipulate Malcolm,
too — I was younger and could get away with a lot. I probably could have wrapped him around my finger, but I didn’t need to, because he gave me most of what I wanted anyway. That’s the difference between exploitation and love.
from Australia - He loved the young man
He was proud to be seen with the older male, saw him as his protector, and saw the intimacy they had as the highlight of his life.
"Jos was a father, friend and brother for me, all at the same time.
Jos never went too far; if there was something I did not want to, he stopped immediately.
The love this man gave me, the feeling to be loved, was such an overwhelming, beautiful thing."
German TV-Star Jorge Gonzalez recalls his first real love: “When I was 13, I had my first real boyfriend."
Kadoedel can't remember any negative episodes or traumas that would have affected his later years.
Read finally found that longed-for relationship, at thirteen years old, with an adult neighbor named “Rich,” which, he attests, “saved my life.” He feels that this, and other intergenerational relationships in his youth, greatly contributed to his sexual development, and goes into some detail on the subject.
34 years later, Kurt is still grateful for the wonderful time he spent
"Then at fourteen, my neighbor AF did with me in his bedroom and bath what he had been wanting to do with me since I was
eight years old. We are friends to this day."
at the Boats – Ivo G.
"This man really taught me a lot and I enjoyed every bit of it."
Lots of love
The (former) boy is married now and has shared his positive experiences with his wife. He believes the pedophile relationship served as a good introduction to his adult love life.
and in love
"I was excited, was loved and in love, got affection, but was not prepared for sex."
Loving, caring, considerate, romantic
"Not only did I have my mother's approval at 12 to enter into an
adult-child homosexual relationship with my teacher, I had her support
and encouragement. God bless her!”
"He was very forward, connected with me, and told me how hot I was. Talked about our backgrounds."
"After I met Richard, everything changed. I got calm, didn't wet my bed anymore. He was also the one who discovered my musical talents and he taught me to listen to music of a kind I normally would have never encountered. He stimulated my learning, algebraic and reading skills and I became the best pupil of my class.
- He was the “conductor” - He [Nathan] controlled the sexual interactions.
While still a boy, he had several other sexual relations with men, all of which he viewed as very positive.
The participant did not feel coerced or hurt and did not feel it was sexual abuse "because I seduced the neighbor."
BM-53 Nice man
He was a really nice man and I looked forward to seeing him every time I went.
"When I met this man he seemed to be able to talk to me about things that I wanted to talk about. He took an interest in me and in my life that no one ever had before. He was a really nice man and I looked forward to seeing him every time I went. I think I saw him about twelve times over three years and as well as the sex we used to talk about lots of other things as well. [...]
He was, I guess, the nearest thing I had to a father, and sometimes I thought a mother, and here he was being described in the paper as though he was some sort of crazy man raping young boys. It wasn’t like that at all, I went to see him and he didn’t have to drag me there."
"[... He] opposed the label of abuse."
victim of abuse
It is easy to understand why such people never get in touch with abuse counseling agencies, because they really don't need such help. That's how such
centers get a completely one-sided view of so-called victims of abuse.
On the farm
I consented to the sexual friendship and have always to this very day looked back on it as something benevolent.
Out of apathy and isolation
He had been a neglected child, brought up in an institution. His adult lover drew him out of a period of apathy and isolation, he said, and gave him consistent encouragement with his schoolwork, which helped in his eventual achievement of a university place.
Ferdi never did anything Peter did not want to. They always clicked and if Peter did not agree with anything, he just told him.
He always liked the sex a lot and felt content and protected.
It was very good and there was equally, if not more, stimulation from the intellectual side than the physical side.'
"I do not at all believe that I suffered any harm from this relationship. Quite the contrary, Patrick helped me."
During the following four years, mutual masturbation and fellatio occurred at least weekly between the two. They became fond of each
“What I experienced and learned was very special and very nice.”
"I practically had to force sex on him because he was afraid about losing his job."
'I think I am a better person because of what happened to me.' (Written
by Marina Fontanascura in 2011)
Stefan is convinced that his relationship with Ferdi had no negative aspects. He stresses that his relationship should not be seen as a surrogate for the insufficient parental skills of his father and mother; it was a goal in itself.
BM-66 Stefan from Germany - I loved him and he loved me
"I was aware of this whenever we were together. We were often sitting together in the same big chair. I was sitting on his lap, and he was telling me stories that he knew from some book. I found it very pleasant to cuddle up against him and to hear his voice, while his hand was stroking me. It was a feeling of security."
Stephan decided to run from home, and ended up at Patrick's place.
A social worker agreed to this situation and the boy stayed there for three months.
"The young Sylvester was often accused of effeminacy and recognized his own homosexuality from an early age.
At the age of eight, he engaged in sexual activity with a far older man (...)"
attic and the waiter
"I regard these contacts I used to have as very positive for my development. I would not have wanted to miss
"Security and friendship I got from Niels. It is from him that I received the support I needed."
"I regard this man, this relationship as a turning point because I was never the same after knowing him for two years - I was more in tune with myself after that ..."
BM-72 Very intense and beautiful times by Anonymous.
A 45-year-old man describes an erotic relationship he had as an 11-year-old boy. His partner was a 40-year-old man who gave him practical "sexual education". He would take the boy on his lap and touch and rub his penis. The boy manually satisfied the man in return.
One rainy afternoon, Roberto told Victor that he used to have erotic experiences with boys.
Although at first Victor felt confused about this confession, his friendship with Roberto went beyond all doubts or bad thoughts.
van de Braam
“When I was young, I had a relationship with an adult man, although I need to add that I already knew I was gay when I was
thirteen. [...] I never got a negative feeling about it."
A student at the University of Stockholm wishes to be known as Zven Szambruth. He is 23 y. and active in politics and gay emancipation. A
psychologist, Tim Rolsson, asked him some questions about a relationship with an adult man he had as a teenage boy of