He was the “conductor”
He [Nathan] controlled the sexual interactions
Nathan, a 45-year-old Brit, began being intensely curious about adult male genitalia when he was eight. At this age, in attempt to satisfy this curiosity, he surreptitiously went into the room of his household’s sleeping man servant and fondled him under his bed covers.
By age ten, his curiosity had turned into sexual arousal. He unsuccessfully tried to solicit sex from men in locker rooms.
At age eleven, he met a neighbor man, whom he worked on over many visits in attempt to initiate sex. Eventually, he succeeded. In his many repeats with the man over the next two years, Nathan reported that Young Nathan was the “conductor” - he controlled the sexual interactions.
While still a boy, he had several other sexual relations with men, all of which he viewed as very positive. He thinks the sex helped his sexual self-confidence: as he matured, he knew exactly what he wanted in sex, while his peers were still searching.