Tommy

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BM-63. Source: Crime Without Victims: A book about paedophilia. 

Tommy, 20 years old, shared some of his early experiences with an interviewer. What concerns us here, is his relationship with an adult man, Niels. Here are a few of his statements about this relationship.

Interviewer: What attracted you to Niels?

Tommy: I've always done what they say you shouldn't do. Occult and mystical things fascinate me - and gays and child-molesters. I was curious and wanted to find out what it all meant.
[...]
I couldn't do it with a boy my own age. Even now I couldn't. I don't know why. Maybe because I never felt secure or friendly with my father and mother. That was something I always lacked. Security and friendship I got from Niels. It is from him that I received the support I needed.

At that time I was committing crimes. I got caught and sentenced. I was sent to Randers. I ran away several times - hitchhiked. I always went straight back to Niels. So, I think our relation will continue for many years. I don't think I'll forget Niels until the day one of us dies.

You were in love with Niels?

I wouldn't say that I was in love. I don't think I could ever fall in love with a man. No. I couldn't say that. It was more a question of feeling safe. Niels was the only person I could visit and talk with, whatever was wrong. There were never any inhibitions on my part - probably because we had this intimate relationship with each other.

Could you have had the same confidential relationship if you hadn't gone to bed together?

I don't think so. Strong emotional bonds grow out of it. People think that a child-molester is a big, brutal pig wallowing over a poor little child. But it was not like that. [...]

Did you ever feel it was somehow perverse or bestial to have sex with a man?

I was attracted to it, drawn to it. I thought it was exciting.

You realised it was forbidden, didn't you?

That didn't bother me in the least. It didn't matter to me what adults thought. I had met so many teachers and they always just stood there and talked over my head. I lived in my own world. As long as I was allowed to do the things I thought important for me, the rest didn't matter.
[...]
It was much too difficult being young. There was always somebody who could make decisions about me. I was a criminal then. I began very early with booze and cigarettes. Suddenly, I had developed some needs that had to be satisfied. I didn't go to school. My whole existence was very troubled. I calmed down only after I met Niels. Until a few years ago Niels was more important to me than my mother and father. He was my friend, my comrade, my lover.

And father?

Yes indeed. My father is 57 so I don't have a very good contact with him. My mother is 55. They could never understand me and I could never understand them. We have been running around in opposition to each other for years. My mother has a bad case of nerves because of me.

I've always been obstinate. When I got angry, my aggressive feelings were so strong that I just had to do something. And I couldn't very well beat my mother, could I? So I would smash up my own things as an outlet. This, too, stopped after I got to know Niels.

I stopped with crime after a four month sentence for car theft and burglary. I never did anything like that again.

What did your parents say about your visiting Niels?

They weren't happy about it. I remember that once Niels wanted me to go with him on a trip to Sweden. He came to our house to talk it over it with my mother and father. It was all right - until they heard he was gay. Then they refused to let me go.

I got real mad. I ran away. It was only to get away from home. Without my parents' permission, Niels couldn't take me with him. I was under 15 and it would only have caused problems.

I was already quite independent by then. Nobody could tell me what to do or how to do it, and certainly not my father or mother. The only one I really listened to was Niels.

I was really afraid that the authorities would intervene. A few years ago I didn't want to stay at home any longer, or live with a foster family. The authorities finally accepted it then, and I was allowed to live with Niels.

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