Here is Hannah's long message
As a child I had sex with adults
I'm a woman of 33 living in the UK. I'm married, two children, and I guess I've got a pretty good life, so I thought it may be of interest here to recount my own experiences and how they have shaped my current views, as I remember being aware of sex as something that was somehow 'naughty but special' from quite a young age, maybe about 5 years old.
For the following year or so, I certainly paid more attention to watching and, when possible (e.g. when sitting on someone's lap) touching the crotch area of every man I met, though nothing much happened other than the odd red face from some male visitors, or an extra big cuddle from others.
At first I thought he must be hurt or something, but at the same time couldn't have not noticed he had his erect cock out. I suppose traditional 'wisdom' says I should have been scared and run, but he wasn't threatening, and actually I was mostly fascinated, although somewhat confused by how come he was there.
After a few moments awkward silence he smiled and asked if I wanted to watch. Well despite warnings I'd had about 'strange men' etc., he just wasn't scary and I saw no reason not to. So I ended up sitting down next to him and watching while tossed off. As he did it he explained what he was doing, along with a lot of other 'sex secrets' that I was dying to hear.
Well, that meeting happened, and many more followed. His name was David and he was always very gentle and kind to me, and in the course of the next few weeks I was happily trying out all kinds of sex with him. Within the first few days he had contrived to
'accidentally' meet my Mum, and by the time of the school summer holidays he was a trusted enough friend to be asked to pop in and look after me occasionally while Mum was out.
We had been 'practising' for some time - that is I knew how to do it in theory, and considering everything he'd told me about how good it was, well, I really wanted to, but the problem was he wouldn't fit. So I'd been practising relaxing and getting used to being penetrated (by fingers, other objects, etc.). It had been slightly painful a few weeks before when we broke my hymen, but nothing really bad, and now I was really enjoying the feeling of having something moving in and out of me, and was keen to be able to 'do it' properly.
Yes, it was somewhat uncomfortable the first time - not painful, but uncomfortable.
But with a lot of vaseline, plenty of time and gentle squeezing and pushing, it was also quite pleasurable in the sense of being an incredibly exciting and unusual feeling.
Not especially sexually exciting to start with as a physical sensation, I preferred being stimulated by his tongue; I'd already had some orgasms that way
though the feelings I got through intercourse intensified pretty quickly over the following weeks as penetration became easier and deeper, and I had my first vaginal orgasm a few weeks later.
David had been pretty annoyed at first on finding we'd told anyone, but in the end he couldn't resist having sex with us while other girls around our age watched, and of course getting them to 'help out' (join in, in other words) whenever he could.
There were also more 'spin offs' from this that I don't have time to go into now
but the main point is that one of them 'knew' that her uncle would be interested
Anyway she told him about us, and he soon started chatting to me and Karen whenever he got the chance.
very good looking, and, at 25, a fair bit younger than David (who was about 45).
Though I didn't think of it that way at the time, I kind of think now that all that had a combined effect and I decided I was gonna get my own back by making him my boyfriend and then Karen would be jealous. Of course making him my boyfriend was far easier than I'd dared hope as he was already dying to get into my knickers.
But of course I must have got really nice and very rude comments back from him because about two minutes later, I'd run up to the house and asked Mum if I could go round Nicole's to play (Nicole was his niece) already pretty sure of what sort of 'playing' he meant. Of course he'd asked me because the house was empty, not because Nicole wanted to play
Anyway, Nicole's house was about ten houses along, so it was just a few minutes later I ended up in her bedroom sucking Carl's cock and again, feeling really pleased with myself.
Yes I know in the view of (sadly I think) many people, I was being used or even abused. But I'm sorry, I just can't see it like that. I was enjoying myself hugely, felt really good about myself and privileged that I was getting the chance to do what I wanted
and what made me feel good. I wasn't being forced
and I think the main thing that makes girls feel bad about such experiences is that there is so much negative pressure from other people telling them it is bad. I'm afraid if you tell someone often enough that what they've done / want to do is bad then they will start to believe you.
I was a tiny bit disappointed he hadn't shagged me straight away but realised afterwards it was kind of my own fault. When we'd got there the pretence was
that he had a new toy for me, and of course I'd said something like
'show it to me', he'd said it's in here and so I'd unzipped him and got his cock out. Within a minute or so I'd started sucking him and hadn't stopped till he'd cum. It was only afterwards we were laying on the bed and he'd started playing with my pussy he realised that the story he'd heard just bits of through Nicole was more true than he'd even hoped and asked if I thought I'd be able to shag him.
David used to lay down and I always used to be on top
but it meant I had to do most of the work, jiggling up and down on him like a little jack rabbit. With Carl that first time he picked me up bodily, lowered me gently onto him
then bounced the whole of me up and down.
Anyway, it took me a week or two to get the courage to tell David and stop having sex with him, but funnily enough when I saw Karen I didn't want to get my own back at her anymore, so I was really nice to her about it.
From then on, me and Carl probably had sex of one kind or another at least a couple of times a week for the next year or so
Then his delivery round got changed, and a while after that we also nearly got caught by his Nicole's Mum
So after that we still did it, but maybe only
six times in the next year, and I started doing it with David and Karen again.
It was only last year when we were having a slightly drunk and giggly Mum and daughter heart to heart that she let on she'd suspected something about David and me from about the October of that first year. Yes, she'd been shocked at what just might be happening, and worried of course, but she wasn't at all sure at first either, and also knew that I seemed so happy all the time, and especially when with him, so she felt strangely ambiguous about it.
she decided to keep quiet and only say anything if my responses to her hints and questions gave her the feeling I was in any way bothered or upset.
Obviously I wasn't, and I LOVE her SO much for that and for not doing anything. I hate to think how f****d-up I might be now if she'd made a major issue out of it and all the repercussions that I would have had to go through if she had.
with another guy I met.
I was about eight and a half, maybe coming up to nine at the time and of course he was another adult, about 30
I was almost shocked to find that he was scared and pulled back when I started acting sexy with him
and I was worried I'd done or said something wrong. Gradually I realised how it was and decided I'd have to change his mind.
It took about three months, but I managed it, and feel I learned a huge amount over that period too. I was quite weird at first, almost like I was teaching him how to have sex
Over the next six or so years I had several other relationships with older men - none obvious or overt until I was about fourteen, when I got into this much more usual
boyfriend / girlfriend relationship with a guy of 24. That was the first one my Mum officially knew about, though at the time I'd been dead scared of telling her about him
From then on I guess I dated pretty much like a normal teen, even going out with a few boys my own age (!) though I still used to have sex with both David and Carl occasionally until I was about seventeen
Carl, sadly, was arrested about three years ago for possession of child pornography and went to prison for six months. He's lost his house and some so-called friends because of it, but he's gradually recovering now.
One thing that made me made incredibly mad about it was the way the newspapers described what he had as - vile filth, pictures of little children being tortured and abused, etc.
Now I'd seen all the collection he had, I make no apology for it - he's wanted to show me several times over the years, and I've always been interested to look.
What upsets me most is that that newspaper description is SO far from the truth. He had about 4,000 pictures: I've seen them all - NOT ONE showed any girl that even looked slightly like she might be being forced to do anything, let alone being tortured etc. Most of them were VERY clearly enjoying themselves and I'd be surprised if anyone could have truly described any of them even as looking unhappy! It's the way the papers demonised him,
libeling him, because there was no way he could fight back.
about the experience.
There were two girls when I was about twelve that became great friends when we discovered we all had lovers who were in their thirties. One had been having sex as long as she could remember, the other for only about
three months, but none of us were ever discovered and we all went on to be popular, go university, got decent jobs, and two of us have families, without any apparent psychological or physical trauma from the experience. One girl is still a great friend and we often reminisce about those years.
And this when we KNOW that in fact if not for the hysteria the huge majority of children in sexual relationships with adults could have a fulfilling and wonderful experience that helps them learn, feel loved, and enjoy physical love in a way that every human being, whatever age, is entitled to.
I'm so glad I found this site and would like to thank the founders or webmaster or whatever for making this place available. A lot of this is stuff, as you might be able to tell (!) that I have been aching to get off my chest in some kind of PUBLIC way for, well, years.