Koekie

Vorige Start Omhoog Volgende  

GM-19 - The case of Koekie and her friend Ben is taken from the article Al met al een mooi verhaal: Losse eindjes van tien jaar vriendschap by Gertjan Cobelens in OK Magazine, 1992, March/April, pp. 16-21. 

Here is a summary based on a conversation between Koekie and her friend Ben when she was about 21. 

Koekie (11) and her friend Ben (29) met during an anti-nuclear power campaign in the summer of 1982 consisting of a 'caravan' of theater and music groups that tried to spread their message through their artistic performances. 

Ben fell in love with Koekie. He stared at her and she looked back at him and after a while they started talking. Ben was always looking for her and he constantly stayed close to her and although Koekie liked this attention most of the time, sometimes it became too much for her and then she wanted him to leave her alone for a while. 

In general, Koekie found it exciting that an older person was crazy about her and wanted to play with her and girls she was friends with. She felt secure and safe with him. She also felt some excitement when they went for walks together and there was an erotic tension in the air. 

Koekie now realizes that he was her "ideal love", though she asks herself whether she may have developed too quickly for boys of her own age, because she knew more about relationships than they did. On the other hand, she felt proud of Ben and all of her friends wanted to see him. 

After the caravan, Ben visited her at the farm where they lived and they had some mild non-genital erotic contact. She also visited him in Amsterdam. Ben sent her a lot of letters and tapes explaining that he was very much in love with her and why he felt that way. His explanations went a bit too far for her and after a year she decided that the relationship had become too serious for her tastes. She tore up his letters and only kept his tapes. 

In 1984, Koekie was delighted to see Ben again at the annual 'caravan'. However, Ben fell in love with a young boy and Koekie felt very jealous of him. The irony of the situation was that the boy had fallen in love with Koekie. Nonetheless, Koekie and Ben did sleep together again. Koekie admits that she really fell head over heels in love with Ben, when she was about thirteen. 

Some time later, she wanted to have sex with him but Ben did not even want to cuddle very much, as he admitted that he had fallen out of love with her. Koekie cried all night long and it took her a long time to get over Ben. 

When she was seventeen, they had 'real', hot sex with each other though neither of them was in love anymore. 

A real problem for Koekie during her relationship with Ben consisted of his constant doubts and fears about the legitimacy and sense of the relationship, and his inability to get mad at her during conflicts. She longed for the joy of reconciliation after a good quarrel. 

All in all, Koekie concludes that it is a "beautiful story." She's mostly satisfied with the way things went and she feels she owes her best friend to the relationship.

Vorige Start Omhoog Volgende