"From my 14th to my 18th year, I had a relationship with someone who was thirteen years older. I actually knew this person all my life, and my first memories in this respect date from when I was four.
I vaguely recall how he was "playing" with me and that he allowed me to play with his penis as well and that he got aroused. I was a young, naive and innocent child and did not know something was wrong about that. I think I even liked it, because I have the impression that I don't have unpleasant memories of it.
When I was fourteen, he helped me improve my English. At the time he also had a girl-friend. As the lessons continued, he fell in love with me. In those days I also met my first boy-friend [of my own age], but when I was with him I noticed that I was fantasizing more about the older person than about my own
boyfriend. I felt a bit guilty and forced myself to fantasize about the boy-friend. [...]
After a while he tried to touch me, but I got scared and pushed him away and walked away. On the one hand I really wanted to, but on the other hand I was afraid. He was so much older, he had a girl-friend, and still I felt he wanted me and I wanted him.
A couple of months later we started something after all. The first kiss, the first real touches and I liked it all. This relationship began when I was
fourteen years old, around Christmas. The following four years, I only saw him now and then, there were often months, half year or even a year between our meetings. He often went abroad for his work. Also, our relationship was not supposed to be revealed. [...]