Interviewer Dodo: Did you ever have sexual relations with adults during childhood?
Saggie: Not during childhood but as a teenager, from the age of 14. I had a serious romance with a constant partner from the age of 15 till 18.
Was your partner related to you? If not, how did you meet?
He wasn't, he was a friend. There was a stop for the buses conveying passengers to the countryside near Moscow. I approached him to ask him for the time and we started a conversation. He was with his friend, I was alone. As it turned out, we would get out at the same station. But no coaches arrived and so we all took an electric train. During the trip we had two hours of conversation extra. We exchanged our phone numbers. I don't remember who called up first. We proceeded with our conversation.
Who was the initiator of your sexual relations? Tell me how it was for the first time.
Ah, both of us! First it happened when I visited him at work. He was a guard at a shop in the center of Moscow. I visited him out of my own free will and was neither made to do so nor did I need to be persuaded very much. He'd just told me we could meet there. I had got ready for something like this and arrived with such willingness. Though he had never talked about sex, even in a roundabout way. So I went there.
I don't remember who took the initiative (it was ten years ago!) but as a result we used the general director's room and everything happened in that room. By the way, it was marvellous! I was madly pleased by it.
Maybe your partner threatened you? Had you been afraid of him? Generally speaking, what had your relations been like?
He sure did! He promised me a severe carnage on the Dolgoprudny rubbish pile, he would tear me apart and feed my mortal remains to the dogs! I'm sorry, of course not.
We used to attend a cinema. Before it happened, he had paid me a visit himself and my mother had been nice to him. Our relations had been so touching, trusting, friendly. At the time, I was writing poetry and he was my only and fair critic.
I used to know everything about his family problems (he'd been divorced shortly before we met) and offered him my shoulder to cry on. He'd been my FRIEND! The best and the closest, understanding and forgiving. To a certain extent he had even been my father.
How did your relationship develop? What was your relationship like? What kinds of sex did you practice?
Well, there had been no special development. After that first arrival, I'd routinely visit him at his work. He also came to my place several times and we'd be doing the same. When I was 17 he found another job and I started coming there. We usually met in the evening.
And if we think of it, what kind of relations can a man and a woman have? Ordinary relations, just like everyone else. There'd been no constraint, but we weren't playing any extreme games either, or anything like that. We just had vaginal and oral sex. Does this answer your question enough?
At what age did you reach your first orgasm? Did your adult partner help you to orgasm?
When I was 3 or 4 years old, when I was going to kindergarten. [...] My adult partner helped me to reach orgasm, yes. In this respect, he differed from the friends of my own age I was seeing, both before and in the same period.
Was anyone aware of your relation? Did your partner make an effort to cover things up?
Everyone had been aware of it. My mom had been guessing we were seeing each other. All my girl friends knew. I can't say if my male friends were also aware. Nobody ever did anything to end it. Anything! We'd be going for walks in the park and going to the movies, just like average people.
How do you consider your experience? Has it given you something or do you consider it a mistake?
I consider it an exceptional, very positive experience! It brought me a lot. In the beginning of our relationship, he taught me not to be ashamed of my body, he made me feel myself sexy, he emancipated me. He taught me how to enjoy sex.
There is no way I could see it as a mistake. The only mistake is the way we broke up. This happened on my initiative, by the way. I still can't forgive myself for this foolish decision. I also regret it that I didn't meet him earlier as then I would have had no time to make the thousands of stupid mistakes I made before I met him. If he had been my first male partner, my life would have been much easier and a lot of silly mistakes could have been prevented, both before my relationship with him, and afterwards.
Did your partner teach you anything about sexual hygiene, contraception, or the structure and functions of the female and male genitals? If that is the case, was it interesting and meaningful?
Yes, he did. He's taught me about contraception and how to be serious about these things. By then, it would have been a bit late if he taught me about the structure of anything, as I'd already learned everything from the available literature and from my friends.
How did your sexual activity influence your study? Was there any change in your interests and habits after your sexual life started? If so, in what sense?
My studies were not affected by it. Neither were my interests. To be honest, this question is not very relevant, since my sexual life did not start with him (it started with a boy of my own age when I was 13) and had already been in full swing for two years.
But my sexual life really did change. It became more serious. He had never been my only male partner but the more casual relations I had been having stopped when I was with him. He'd tried to teach me responsibility in this area of life. He did not succeed (for which only I am to blame) but he'd tried to do so very much and I appreciate the grains of common sense I learned from him.
How and when did you end your sexual relationship with the adult partner? Did you also end your friendship with him?
I ended the relationship when I was 18 and he proposed to me. At the time, I did not feel any need to get married. I just turned down his proposal and that was the end for us. But he really showed me a lot of patience.
I still dream about him and I have been burning with shame for my dirty tricks for years. Because he'd cared for me as for some cut-glass vase and I had not valued it. Because I'd show up drunk knowing that he couldn't stand the smell of alcohol. Because of the disgusting, cynical way I broke up with him.
A day or two ago, I found him in a social network named "Odnoklassniki". I just wanted to see him. He wrote to me, and finally I apologized for what I'd done. "It's all in the past", he wrote, "I only remember the good things." Me too. I hope I will communicate with him, I want it so much! He does not mind.
Perhaps we'll be friends, maybe something more then friends. Anyway I apologized and don't have this burden anymore. I remember everything and I think I still love and miss him. Though I've got a totally different life now, with a family, and I don't know what I should do. We'll see what will happen. It was a stunning, pretty, tender story with a host of advantages and no negative sides for me.
Did you have sexual relations with peers in your childhood and youth?
I did, from age 13. But it's another story.
How easily did you enter into relations with your peer now and then? How many friends do you have? Have your early sexual experiences created an obstacle for you in your friendships?
I didn't have any problems, neither now nor then. I've got five or six friends, I mean real friends, and plenty of everyday friends. And my experiences have neither impeded nor helped my friendships in any way. I have always had something to talk about with my friends. But all the girls without exception were jealous of my friend and partner. When I was 15 and 16 EVERYONE (whether they were virgins or not) wanted to be taught about sex by an adult man. EVERYONE!