She was always so gentle and caring
A lesbian woman, Ina, shares her experiences with her babysitter
Although I'm not a girl-loving lesbian, I'm still a lesbian and I have an interesting experience from my childhood which probably determined my sexual orientation.
From the time I was eight years old, I was baby-sat by a girl who was in her twenties. Her name was Mary and at first there was nothing unusual about her. I remember I loved to be around her and I couldn't wait for her to come to our home and look after me. It was mostly because she loved to play games with me and gave me all her attention to the point I wished she was my sister and lived with us in our home.
After couple of months since she first started to look after me, she became more affectionate towards me. She was giving me kisses whenever she had an opportunity, which was almost all the time. And I loved to be the center of attention, of course. Who wouldn't at that age.
I never found her affection to be forced upon me. It was almost as if it came naturally, in course of our friendship. We couldn't play anymore without embracing first, and we kissed and hugged as often as we could.
She was always so gentle and caring. I don't remember a time that she yelled at me even when I know I deserved it on several occasions. After some time I even stopped looking at her as my babysitter but as my playmate, a best friend, someone who is equal to me and who shared my interests and ideas.
Mary continued to baby-sit me for years, or more exactly until I turned eleven. During this time our friendship grew to a real, grown up love. We were lovers even though I didn't know it back then.
We became more intimate, she taught me how to masturbate when I was only nine and she often went to bed with me during my afternoon naps where we continued to play with our bodies. I was never shy around her. She gave me countless baths and I learned more about my body during the baths with her, than I did by exploring it myself.
Our time together wasn't always spent on sex. She took me out to the movies, playgrounds, fun fairs. She loved to meet my girlfriends from school and she always played with us, trying to create as much fun for us as possible.
Sometimes the attention she gave the other girls made me jealous and then I would refuse to speak to her. I pretended not to care about her, not to love her any more, but she knew it was only a phase and as soon as we were alone again, I was hers and hers only. There was nothing to stop us from sharing our love.
Then one day my parents decided I was too big to have a babysitter. It was the worst time in my life. I was eleven and entering puberty. I needed all support I could get and Mary was just the person I was looking for. But she couldn't see me anymore without attracting suspicion.
We wrote letters to each others but it wasn't the same. I needed her hugs and kisses, I needed someone to hold me and look after me. I don't remember how many times I went to bed crying, thinking about her.
This withdrawal period lasted for six months until I got used to her absence. But by that time I was becoming aware of other girls and my feelings for them. It was always girls, never boys that I looked at, admired and loved. And so since I've lost Mary, other girls and women entered my life. I grew up knowing I was different, that I was a lesbian.