Pa02Aug15a About your neighbor? (Fwd by Roy)
Posted by Boz on 2002-August-14 18:52:02, Wednesday [Original source unknown]
[The author mails us that the story is fiction only.]
John Huffam is a freelance writer and a lifelong resident of our city. He has been commissioned by this publication to write a series of sketches of our community and the people who reside here.
In this offering, the sixth in the series, Mr. Huffam offers what looks more like a straightforward journalistic report, but in the end gives a portrait of another kind of person in our communities we might not often think of. The names of the people in the story all have been changed for their own protection.
To comment on this article or any article in the series, please email Mr. Huffam at John_Huffam@ziplip.com
With the pervasiveness of news stories about priests sexually abusing boys and girls being abducted, raped, and murdered, it should hardly be surprising if many parents concerns for the safety of their children are becoming heightened. While there is no reason to think that the reaction here will rise to the level that it did in England a year ago in response to The News Of the World sponsored "name and shame" campaign, there is a danger that the line between reasonable caution and outright paranoia might become one that more people will cross. Pat Bishop knows exactly where that line is.
"I think it is wise to pay attention to potential dangers," says Bishop, a mother of two, "but when you start worrying that a stranger could jump out of every bush you walk past or if you are afraid to send your kids to school because you worry what their teachers might be doing to them, then you have gone too far."
Bishop tries to pass on her perspective to he children, Jimmy (12) and Emma (5), as best she can.
"I dont let Emma wander around outside alone. She is just too young for that. I also have talked to her about how to deal with people - even people she knows - touching her in ways that she does not like. She knows what to do.
"Jimmy is older, so he is more independent, but I have talked to him about how someone might approach him or how someone who has gained his trust could abuse it. I try to keep him informed without scaring him, but it has to be at least a little but scary."
She sums up her feelings about pedophiles in a very simple statement. "I dont want them anywhere near my kids, but I want my kids to know how to deal with one if that ever happens."
Jerry Watson runs a corner store in the neighborhood where the Bishop family lives. He knows them well and is not surprised by Pat Bishops comments.
"She is a sharp lady and she does a great job raising those kids. Her son comes here all the time and he is always polite and friendly. I think her feelings reflect those of a lot of reasonable people in the country."
There is only one problem. What Pat Bishop does not know is that Watson is a homosexual pedophile.
"There is no way I could ever tell her - or anyone in the neighborhood - that I like boys. I would be lucky if the least they did was just stopped coming into the store and drove me out of business, but it would be worse than that if they knew. As nice as Pat is and as much as she seems to like me, I don't think she could handle it if she knew that I think Jimmy is attractive. As it is, she likes me and I'd like to keep it that way."
"If I thought that there was a pedophile in this neighborhood I dont know what I'd do," Bishop says when asked. "I suppose I would make sure everyone knew and that my children knew to keep away from him, for starters. I dont know what we could do to get him out of the neighborhood. It would be a scary situation, though."
Bishops comments do not surprise Watson at all.
"She is not hysterical like some people who obsess over the possibility of their kids being attacked, but she also cannot conceive of the possibility that someone could be a pedophile and no danger at all. Most people cannot conceive of that. So I have to keep my sexual orientation a secret."
Watson explains what he means when he says he is not a danger like this:
"Well, I have never broken the law, never had or attempted any sexual or inappropriate contact with a child, and I cannot imagine doing so. I genuinely like kids, so there is no way I would want to do something that could hurt them."
When asked about the possibility of a child being interested in a relationship with him he says,
"The problem is that if that happened and people found out it would be a nightmare for everyone. I would end up in jail, the boy would be treated like damaged goods, and the parents would be devastated. It just is not worth the risks to have sex with a boy."
Some people don't buy this kind of explanation. Pat Bishop is one such person.
"Even if a pedophile has never done anything, you never know when he might. Even if he thinks it would be a bad idea, he could succumb to a moment of weakness. Sex can be a powerful temptation."
Watson has heard this reasoning before, and he thinks it misses an important point.
"If you force good people like me to hide their identity and to lie to the world, you create a greater likelihood that a something could eventually happen. With openness and accepting that someone can be attracted to kids and still a good person, it makes it easier for that person to function in the world and thus easier for them to resist any temptations that come their way. They have support systems in place to help deal with temptation, should it come along."
Larry Jacobson, a second grade teacher who has been teaching for over twenty years now, agrees with Watsons sentiments.
"It sounds crazy to a lot of people, but when you already know and like and trust someone, it should be a plus, not a minus, for them to have no deep secrets from you. Forcing people to hide their sexual orientation makes people be deceptive and devious when they would rather be open and honest. It is not good for anyone."
Jacobson does not often shares these views with others because he is one of those holding such a secret.
"I am attracted to girls mostly, but some boys. I have a few kids in my classes each year I think are cute, but only a couple who I have ever really had strong feelings for."
Jacobson is quick to add that, like Watson, he has never crossed the line before.
Oh, goodness no! I would never consider doing anything illegal with a student of mine. That would be a disaster! Even if no one ever found out, the worry and guilt of what could happen to the girl afterward would be too much for me to bear. It would be a stupid thing to do, I think."
Jacobson is widely regarded as an excellent teacher. Parents and colleagues don't have to be pushed very hard to praise him highly.
"All three of my children had Mr. Jacobson as a teacher, and they all still say he was their favorite," says Mary Dawson.
"It is obvious how much he cares about the kids," says Linda Burns, whose daughter is one of Jacobson's current students. "He also always has older students visiting him - even after they graduate high school. People don't forget him quickly."
"He was my teacher when I was in grade four," says Tina Bellingham, "and next year my daughter will be in his class. I am very pleased about that."
"People like me, trust me, respect me ... it is difficult to believe just how fast that would all go if they knew I was a pedophile. Even if they believed me that I never touched a child. Its rather depressing to think about, really."
Watson sees it as more than depressing. He sees it as destructive.
"Fear and ignorance breeds hatred, thus forcing good people to otherwise become liars and to be secretive about basic facts of their being. That makes it only harder for people to truly know what risks there are and are not and to make more children more vulnerable in the end. If we all could be open about who we are, children would be safer. But try convincing any parent of that."
"I would do anything I could to reduce the risk of children being harmed by pedophiles," Pat Bishop says. "It is just hard to know what can be done."
But if Watson is right, one of the simplest things she could do is, in the end, impossible for her to do. Being able to recognize that not all pedophiles are bad people and being willing to accept openness from those who are not dangerous people might be one step toward reducing some of the risk, fear, and anxiety on both sides.
There are million of people in the world like Pat Bishop. People who have no idea that the man who runs the corner store or their child' teacher is a pedophile. People who praise these folks for being such wonderful people and they are. They are non-offenders, genuinely care about the wellbeing of the kids they know, but just happen to also be sexually attracted to some of them. They are, in one sense, highly visible people, but in another sense, they are completely hidden away. Until people are ready to conceive of the possibility that pedophiles can just be another person in the neighborhood, they will have to remain in the shadows. It is just unclear who could possibly benefit from prolonging that situation.