Pa02Aug15e Letter to media

To: armand@brainlink.com

Armand...

With a lot of hesitation, Thursday's radio program has come to the point where I just 'have' to write to you... we've been in touch (many years ago) so I know some of your feelings on the subject (not as negative as most people!).... I'm writing about the problems you discussed of boys unable to express emotions and thus suppressing them....

So many times during the program you and Roberta and even your callers mentioned the benefit of an adult male who would be sympathetic to letting the boy cry and express emotions in other
ways, rather than numbing and suppressing them...

Armand, let me remind you that there IS a whole not-so-small segment of our society that IS that kind of men... gentle, caring and admiring of boys (and thus very tolerant and sympathetic to them) -- the notorious term is "boy lovers" but in reality that is exactly what they are. They are able to LOVE boys, especially in the age range in which these problems and needs occur the most, and they are just exactly what your program said over and over is needed for such boys.

BUT the problem these days is that such men, even if they don't get involved sexually with the boy, are so highly suspected and often "set up" just because they relate closely with boys.... so these men are now rarely available to such boys because the men fear accusation, arrest and humiliation (again, even if there isn't any "illegal" activity).

Our society has become so obsessed with "protecting" boys from 'sex' (even just gentle touching, or that horrible masturbation thing...) that the protection is more harm than what is feared. Yes, this is a controversial position -- but twenty or thirty years ago when such men were not targeted and despised like they are today, they often would "take a boy under their wing" and provide that outlet for emotion (and sometimes even sexual release, yes...) that was mentioned so often in today's program.

The boys, 12 and up?, who need such an opportunity for an adult male to care about them and allow them the freedom to express their feelings (even crying, without fear that someone will tell about it and humiliate them) will rarely accept it from their mother or father or even sibling (though sometimes that works), but the adult male from OUTSIDE the family not only gives the boy support but also that needed feeling of independence and "breaking away" from the family.

I could go on and on with examples etc. but I know you have my point at this point... Suffice it to say that a few decades ago, I was personally able to offer such friendship and understanding to a few boys at different times -- and I can assure you they were some of the most beautiful, loving and caring relationships a person could ask for.... until discovered and broken off by either parents or the law.

I have also seen similar beautiful relationships between other men and teen boys. I have seen situations where the friendship (and sometimes even a sexual relationship...) continued well past the boy's adulthood [so much for the blind insistance that there is always 'harm' to such relationships]. In fact, I feel very disappointed that it's so very unlikely that I'll ever have such a relationship again in this life -- it is simply far too risky legally these days, even for a man who would "behave himself" impeccably! (the Boy Scouts, Boys Clubs, etc. are feeling the lack of these men these days too...)

I don't expect you will even mention this aspect of the topic on the radio show, Armand; but I did feel the need to remind you of this perspective. Thanks for reading me. :)

Jeff
http://www.ptfw.org