Minor-Attracted People and Their Pursuit of Dignity

From the Introduction

[... ... ...] 
My research participants were all minor-attracted people who refrained from any sexual contact with minors, all of whom were dedicated to living lives free of offending. This book is about them: how they form identities as minor-attracted idividuals, how they cope with the stigma they face from society. and how they strategize not to commit offenses. [...]

Misconception 1: All Pedophiles Are Offenders

[...] Although pedophilia indicates an attraction to children, it does not indicate anything about an individual's behavior. 
[...]
Research suggest that only a small proportion of people who are preferentially attracted to children have been convicted of sexual offenses angainst minors. In addition, evidence from multiple studies has shown that many to most of those who do commit sexual offenses against children are not pedophiles. These individuals are not preferentially attracted to minors.

Misconception 2: All People Who Are Attracted to Minors Are Pedophiles

[...] Although it may be truw taht a person attracted to minors is a pedophile, this is not always the case. [...] 

• Pedophiles (as defined by the APA) ara attracted to children who have not yet begun to go through puberty, generally under age 11 and under. 
• Hebefiles ... are preferentially attracted to children in the beginning phase of puberty, typivally from the ages 12 to 14.
• Ephebophiles ... are people with a preferential attraction to minors in the late stage of puberty, usually between the ages of 15 to 19.

[...] I use the terms "minor attracted person" and "MAP" throughout the majority of this book ... as an established umbrella term ... with a less stigmatizing nature. 

Misconception 3: Stigmatizing MAPs Protectes Children

[...] Shaming people for their attractions won't make their attractions go away. [...] 
If the goal in shaming people is behavioral change, shaming people for their attractions to minors is ineffective. [...] Attempting to change the attracdtions of MAPs is a futile enterprise, however. Researchers and theorists [...] acknowledge that [...] this attraction tends to endure across the lifespan. Whereas  it used to categorize MAPs as mentally ill, the fitth edidion of the DSM has categorized pedophila as a "sexual interest". Other researchers have gone further [...], concepualizing attractions to minors as a sexual orientation. [...] Shaming MAPs for their attractions alone may actually put children in more danger. [...] It is possible that treating MAPs with empathy is the key (Bold is chosen by Ipce) [...] Shame may have the opposite effect. [...]

I am writing this book with two main foci - the prevention of child abuse and the promotion of wellbeing among MAPs - because protecting children is important, because MAPs are people who deserve compassion (bold is chosen by Ipce), and because these foci are not contradictairy. [...]

• Chapter 1 - titled as "Am I a Monster?" - examines their various identities as they relate to their attractions toward minors as well as the circumstances under which they formed these identities.
• Chapter 2 - 'Leading a double life' - describes their decision processes about wether or not to tell others in their lives about these identities and their experiences in doeing so.
• Chapter 3 - 'Enduring a rainstorm' - explores strategies for coping with their attractions to minors and the resulting stigma that they face.
• Chapter 4 - 'It's a very strong boudary for me' - looks at how they have strategized not to commit offenses and their motivations for living as non-offenders.
• Chapter 5 - 'Their intention wasn't to help me' - takes an in-depth look at one particular strategy for both coping and to resist committing an offense: seeking out mental health care. This chapter explores my paticipants' motivations for seeking out mental health care, as well as their experiences with providers.
• Chapter 6 - 'You are not a monster'- explores main takeaways from each of the chapters.

Therefore, this text moves to quotes from

6. "You Are Not a Monster"

Toward a Shift in Attitudes Concerning MAPs

"You have the power to say 'no' and get help if someone has hurt or touched you." This is how an animàted girl named Maya introduces a video series developed for fourth through sixth graders called "The Protect Yourself Rules." Its complementary series for kindergarten through third graders features an animated boy named·Lenny, who teaches the lesson: "No one should ever touch you on a part of your body that's covered by your bath­ing suit. If someone tries to, shout 'Stop!' or, 'Don't touch me!' loudly and
clearly" [...]

The goal of media such as "The Protect Yourself Rules" - preventing sexual abuse against children - is undoubtedly important. However, I invite you to examine this type of programming with me. 
We live in a society in which we teach young children about saying "no" to adults as a policy for preventing abuse. This type of programming puts the respon­sibility of preventing sexual abuse on potential child victims themselves, rather than on potential offenders. Additionally, because this type of programming often places emphasis on telling adults when abuse has occurred, it may be more effective at helping to catch adults who have already committed sexual abuse than on preventing the abuse in the first place. We have allowed our "sexual abuse prevention" strategies to place the burden of prevention on potential victims and to focus on intervention after the fact, rather than before it happens. To truly prevent abuse, we need to shift our focus.

Stigma against MAPs: an ineffective strategy for abuse prevention

Despite their flaws, it is easy to see why media such as "The Protect Yourself Rules" are necessary in our present society. While we could concentrate  prevention  on helping adults  who  feel they are in  danger of committing an offense, we have made such efforts efforts nearly impossible.

• Consider Isaac, who sought mental health care when he felt he was at "risk of acting out"- in other words, when he was in danger of committing a sexual offense against a child. Rather than pro­viding the care he was seeking, or at least referring him to someone who could provide competent care, his counselor stopped providing him  services altogether, without referring Isaac to another provider. 
• Or consider Quentin, whose therapist contacted the police despite no indication from Quentin that he was going to commit an offense - his story reached other MAPs, who added this to their list of reasons not to seek professional help.

Fortunately, MAPs' strategies for refraining from sexual offending do not begin and end with mental health providers. At the same time, though, many other strategies MAPs have mentioned to me are hindered by stigma as well. 

[Summarized by Ipce:] Many social internet forums have banned post and posters with a MAP-related content.

Obtaining support from family and friends is yet another integral strategy among MAPs to remain resilent to offending. And yet, stigma toward MAPs has complicated this strategy perhaps further than others. My study participants were all too aware of their family and friends' opinios of people with attractions to minors: they had generally held negative opinions toward MAPs themselves until realizing that they shared these attractions. Many participants continued holding these negative opinions afterward: some clearly held them as we spoke in inter­views. How, then, could they share with family or friends - the people whose opinion of themselves they cared about most - that they had these attractions? How could anyone attracted to minors ask for help of some­one who has shared a photo on Facebook of an electric chair overlaid with the words "the cure for pedophilia"?

Not that everyone in my study feit they needed help not to offend. Far from it - the majority of participants felt confident that they were not at risk of committing an offense against a minor. [...]
But even some of my participants who felt they were not at risk of committing an offense told me that they were not entirely sure where the line was between appropriate and inap­propriate behavior with children, given that their attractions to minors existed alongside culturally approved ways of physically interacting with children. And they often had no one to bring these questions to when they were unsure about that line.

And so, here we are, in an age where we tel1 each other that MAPs are evil and destined to harm children. In an age where we keep MAPs afraid of coming out to family and friends, even if they need help to keep from committing an offense. In an age where we keep MAPs from supporting each other online, where we keep MAPs from asking for help from men­tal health professionals, where we ask children to protect themselves from sexual abuse. 

To move beyond these problems, we have one clear path to take: remove the stigma of attraction to minors and place it solely on the behavior of sexual offending against children.

Wellbeing among MAPs: Another important focus

While preventing sexual offending against children is of course a vital goal, it is not the only story that emerges when considering the potential effects of reducing stigma against MAPs. Increasing wellbeing among MAPs is an objective that is significant in and of itself. My research participarnts spoke about many obstacles toward their own wellness, as I've covered throughout this book. As discussed in Chapter 5, whether related to their attractions toward minors or not, many participants experienced mental health problems such as depression, anxiety, and sui­cidal thoughts. Some had made plans to end their lives, and three made attempts to carry them out.

[...] Research has shown that the effects of social stigma correlate with an increase in suicidal thoughts among MAPs. My participants demonstrated an intimate awareness of the stigma that they faced by others, describing rejection that they encountered personally from friends, family, and sometimes strangers, as well knowledge of general social negativity toward MAPs. Back when they began to recognize that they were attracted preferentially, and sometimes exclusively, to minors, participants experienced fear - often toward themselves and also over what others would think of them if they knew about their sexuality. As a result, participants frequently stayed closeted from others for long periods of time - some remaining closeted until our interviews. Those who remained closeted coped with their attractions on their own, sometimes in unhealthy ways such as through drug and alcohol abuse.

Just as stigma has kept MAPs from seeking help to resist  commmmit­ting a sexual offense, my participants often explaned that they had not sought help for mental health concerns because they were worried about providers' reactions if they told them about their attractions. Participants who did not struggle with impulses to commit an offense but who nonetheless struggled to handle the effects of stigma frequently believed that
they could not trust mental health care practitioners, and thus could not fully be honest if they engaged in some form of treatment. Among those who did seek out mental health care, those who encountered providers who continuously made inaccurate assumptions about MAPs often described  their mental state as worsening as a result of working with these providers. 

[...] MAPs' own strategies to resist com­mitting offenses against minors are blocked - they often lack the security to come out to people who could help them with these strategies, such as friends, family, and providers; their avenues for seeking support from
other MAPs are frequently blocked by websites that shut them out - and the reason they are blocked is a lack of understanding that not all MAPs will offend and that MAPs who are committed to non-offending deserve, and often need, support. 
So it not is my intention to describe MAPs as a danger or  a threat. It is instead my intention to indicate that some MAPs need  help in order not to commit an offense, and our poor provision resources can exacerbate their need for preventive assistance. It is our responsibility as a society to provide that help. That help must include reducing stigma toward MAPs.

Toward reductions in stigma and offending

[...] How should we move forward?Are there any practical concrete steps that can be taken to lessen stigma and offending? [...] I do offer some suggestions. 
As Bryan told me in our interview, "What would help law-abiding MAPs to be psychologically healthy, more stable, and reduce the possibility of breaking the law? Acceptance that they aren't fundamental evil people." 
In order both to decrease offending and increase wellbeing among MAPs, we need a broad societal shift in our understandings about MAPs as well as a specific, targeted effort in increasing providers' education surrounding MAPs and policies surrounding client confidentiality.

[1] First and foremost, providers need to understand mandated reporting and duty-to-warn policies. [...] Providers should understand the laws of their jurisdictions in terms of when they must keep their client's information confidential and when they may break client's confidenttiality to report a client. 
In the United States, [...] therapists have a duty to warn [...] only when their client presents foreseeable and imminent danger to an identified victim. Therapists also have a requirement to report suspected child abuse to child welfare hotlines - this is what is referred to as "mandated reporting." [...]

[2] [...] The other problem that may be underlying practitioners' erroneous reporting of MAP clients is a general lack of eduction about MAPs. Outside of the context of sexual offending against minors, MAPs generally are not taught about in classrooms for social workers, psychologists, and other future counseling profession­als. Because mental health service providers are brought up in the same society as the rest of us, their opinions about MAPs are likely to mirror the assumption that MAPs are a danger to society. Without educational resources to teach them that MAPs are not necessarily offenders, provid­ers may lack the understanding that MAP clients are not, based on their
attractions alone, at imminent risk  of committing an offense.

[3] [...] As discussed in Chapter 5, MAPs sometimes encounter practitioners who believe they can cure them of their attractions to minors with sexual orientation change efforts (SOCE). [...] Professionals working in psychology, social work, and ther mental health services professions should be taught in their edu­cational programs that SOCE is ineffective and not to be used in therapy with LGBT people and MAPs alike.

[4] [...] More education is needed to best work with MAPs. The MAPs in my research felt particularly helped by practitioners who were affirming and who understood issues faced by MAPs, such as the stigma they were exposed to and fears of committing an offense. To that end, professional organizations should work with MAPs to develop lists of best practices for effective care. [...]

[5] It is vital for the police to understand that individuals who have attractions to children have not necessarily committed a crime. Simple disclosures of attractions to minors must be understood as categorically different from evidence that MAPs have committed or plan to commit an actual crime. [...]
My recommandations for the criminal legal system are simular to my recommandations regarding the mental health care system: education is needed for professional working within the criminal legal system to better understand the experiences of MAPs. 

[6] [...] To reduce stigma toward MAPs, we need to see a broad social shift in attitudes toward attractions to minors. Such a shift could happen if led by the media: study participants remarked upon the lack of any positively por­trayed characters in media who were minor-attracted. [...] 
Young MAPs who are beginning to recognize that they are attracted to minors should not have to wonder if they are destined to commit a crime-seeing representation of individuals with similar attractions who live positive lives could go a long way toward letting MAPs know that such lives are possible. Besides allowing MAPs to see positive representations of themselves, showing positively portrayed MAP characters in the media would help to educate the general public about MAPs who do not offend. [...] 
It could [...] encourage more people to publicly express support for MAPs, encouraging MAPs to come out and seek sup­port from allied friends and family. This support could help MAPs struggling with stigma and could also help MAPs who feel at risk of offending. 

In closing

As I close my book, I want to consider the most important findings from my research. 
In each interview I asked participants what they would say to a MAP who was just beginning to realize they were attracted to minors. Far and away, the most common response was "You are not a monster." 
As I heard this over and over, I imagined the people I was speaking to need­ing to hear these words when they first realized that they were minor­ attracted, knowing that they often did not hear them until much later, and possibly still had not. The MAPs in my study understood that those who were beginning to identify their attractions would be concerned that they would turn into offenders. They understood this because they had so often felt that concern themselves, based on social stigma and society's ever-present narrative of the MAP as an offender. It has been my goal with this book to make clear the distinction between MAPs and sexual offenders,  and to reaffirm that attractions are not equivalent to action. 

Sexual offending against children can rightly be considered a monstrous act, yet this is not a fate that must befall MAPs. While the MAPs I spoke to in the course of my research often had experienced many struggles, many were able to find happiness, understanding, and the dignity they had been searching for. They found this dignity through the ability to be seen by others and to have their wellbeing recognized as important, through the knowledge that there were other people out there like them, and through validation that they were not destined to become monsters just because of their attractions. It is my hope that books will be written in the future that can focus on these MAPs-stories that do not focus excessively on MAPs' struggles and instead on their successes. These successes exist, and they deserve to be heard.