Narratives of 26 Cases of Sexual Relations Between Gay/Bisexual Adolescent Boys and Men
It lasted 9 months with his science teacher. "It developed over time and was great. We became friends and I invited him over once when my parents weren't home. I practically had to force sex on him because he was afraid about losing his job. Ended when I went away for the summer and he wasn't a teacher at my school no more" (p. 163).
The man was a family friend; the sex was mutually initiated, oral, off and on for 10 years (a couple of times per month), and "physically great." It confused the subject that the man was married, yet was willing to have sex with him. "Eventually I fell in love with him; knew I was gay but did not broadcast this; I was curious because of the age difference. Mutual oral sex happened after he fondled me; it was the first orgasm I ever had."
Subject and adult brother often massaged each other. "This time, however, I got a little hard and then he noted I had grown so much since he last saw me naked. He asked me jokingly if he could suck my dick. I said 'yes' so we got off on each other. He did me and then I did him. He came all over me but I did not. This lasted a month until he headed back to work. I do miss him as a friend and a brother. Was nothing romantic." Subject added, "I liked it, ... felt good. I wanted to do it again and again. I already knew my brother was gay and that I was attracted to men so this did not prove or disprove that I was gay" (p. 77).
Met a stranger at a shopping mall, who "asked me for a light. I said I had to go to the bathroom. He followed me into the bathroom. He came and I think I did. He initiated the fondling in the stall but it was honestly mutually wanted. I was curious but a little nervous that someone would walk in. He asked me to come back to his place but I was afraid something would happen to me, like kidnap me. I was pleased, glad, and scared. I wanted to do more. I , wanted a man in my life who was accepting, there, and caring. I told no one and I didn't want to. Society said 'bad' so I didn't talk about it. I wanted it to repeat so I returned to the mall, but I never saw him again" (p. 77). "Scared" was in the l context of the excitement of the sex -- he wanted to do lots more except he did not, know what to do or how to initiate it.
"Family friend. I initiated on a camping trip; we were in
same tent at state park; oral sex to orgasm for both of us; several times during
the night; incredibly erotic, tremendous release, very pleasurable. Not real
close; didn't enjoy kissing. Afterwards scary because I enjoyed it so much. Not
wanting to be near him on the trip because afraid others would notice.
The man was a boy scout leader so they knew each other for some time. The man initiated it by asking if he could have sex with the subject after a sex conversation at the man's house. Mutual masturbation to orgasm for both ensued (one contact only). Subject said: it had no real meaning; he never thought about it much; it felt good afterwards; it was a one-time opportunity and he took advantage of it.
"It was with a stranger; he initiated it; it involved oral and mutual masturbation, we did it 10 more times. I was excited, was loved and in love, got affection, but was not prepared for sex. It was not so l much that I wanted his affection; I was attracted to him. This relationship lasted a week then three months later we met again and we were sexual."
"It lasted about a month. This friend was a friend of this guy, and he introduced us. This guy invited me to a party the next night and I went. That night we slept together. I was thoroughly infatuated with him. It was my third experience and it never did get beyond the infatuation stage. I finally woke up and realized this wasn't what I wanted. He kept on visiting me and hanging around and sort of helping me with my physics. He left to go back to the West Coast when I told him it wouldn't work out" (p. 176).
The man was a stranger and initiated the sex (oral and anal). It happened only once. Subject said he was scared, excited, and wanted to explore the sex, but felt threatened. He said afterwards he felt violated and cried; it was very negative.
Case 10 (boy = 15, man = 27)
"[It was with] the mailman, honest to God! On and off for two years. The first time was when I came to the door to get a special delivery package in my sheer designer underwear, from American Male. I was changing to go back to school. He sprouted a boner, I got hard, he grabbed mine, I grabbed his, and we were off and running. Every day I'd come home for lunch; my mother worked. I had to be quick so he'd not get docked for late deliveries. He had a real thing for redheads like me. He was very forward, connected with me, and told me how hot I was. Talked about our backgrounds. It ended when he suddenly got transferred and contact became difficult. We visited each other and had sex, but it was hard and we agreed mutually because of the distance that it was better that we be friends and not lovers" (p. 172).
Case 11 (boy = 15, man = 45)
With a stranger (only once); mutually initiated oral sex. Subject said he later felt cheap because it was a stranger. "I met him at a gay theater. I came out thinking, finally I did it! I guess this is what is supposed to happen. I was nervous but I had a fake ID to get in. Looking back it made me feel really cheap. I didn't like it because of the circumstances. Not dirty but it made it difficult to accept the whole gay thing until I fell in love in college" (p. 83).
Met at a science fiction club; became friends. "He was like an older brother to me; he came out to me as bisexual; said he loved me and asked how I felt; no problem for me; not repelled so I asked lots of questions. First time we were together we were not intimate but he just touched my chest. I went over to his house a lot and eventually he gave me a massage; later became sexual; he was active with masturbation and oral sex; very pleasurable but I tried to make myself not ejaculate because I knew society said it was wrong. Happened seven more times. I decided I needed to be heterosexual so we stopped seeing each other. He was afraid that maybe he was just using me for sex and he wanted me to be emotionally with him; overall it was a very enjoyable experience but I knew I couldn't tell anyone about it. Only later in college when I came into contact with gay culture did I see I could label myself as gay."
With a stranger, who initiated it (mutual masturbation, only once). "Met him at a book store and he cruised me; we were talking and went to the restroom; we masturbated each other for 15 minutes; it was pleasurable at the time. I had no emotional reaction, no guilt. I wanted to leave the restroom. I knew I was gay before so it had no effect."
With a neighbor. "... he felt like my mentor, like my
chaperon, that he was going to lead me out of my state of wilderness ... We I
went for a walk and we were smoking cigarettes. He asked if I had a girlfriend
and I said, 'No,' and then he asked if I had a boyfriend and I said, 'No.'
Later, at his house, he started kissing me and suddenly everything clicked --
this is homosexuality! He declared himself, that is, he had tagged himself. I
pushed him away but I wanted I to do it. I left. ... and then I just
"I went to gay pride in Boston and on the subway I was
cruising two guys and they gave me their address. When in town next I called
them and we fooled around; best sex I've ever had; caring, warm; saw them again
several months later and they introduced me to a guy my age and we
With a stranger; met at a shopping mall. The man initiated it (oral sex, only once). Subject said it was awful; unclean because it was anonymous sex. It was a very bad experience, but with no apparent "scarring for life." Subject said he was later able to put it in perspective, but wished he had , "saved" himself. The sex was not dirty, but it made it more difficult to accept the whole gay thing.
With a married neighbor, who initiated mutual masturbation. It lasted two more years off and on. "It fulfilled my fantasies. First time was in his house; I was nervous because of my body -- not that anything was wrong with my body but just felt uncomfortable having someone see my body. We had always been 'touchy' and kept going further and further with no resistance on my part. I'm just as much 'at fault' because I did nothing to stop it. Rebellion was my motivation since he was my dad's best friend. We both came. I already knew I was gay; had fantasized this interaction many times. There was no change in my feelings toward him; we're still friends."
"I answered a personal ad. He wanted youth and I wanted age! I'm 'slender, fun-loving, and cute'; he was 'bearded, masculine, I and worked out.' We were together for ten months until I finally came to Penn State. I never lived with him. I'd go there to Pittsburgh maybe once a week or once every two weeks. He was very conservative and didn't want to take me out publicly. He hates outward displays of affection and he didn't want people to think he was my father. He sends me holiday and birthday cards. I think of him as my uncle. It was good for the time" (p. 164).
"Met him at a porno theater, where I went for sex. He sat next to me and rubbed his leg against mine. We went to the cemetery and had oral and anal sex with both having orgasm. I felt unclean, guilty, doomed, hopeless. It brought me down; it was just sex and I didn't like myself in this contact; I was not attracted to him."
"I met him through friends at the lake. We I obviously
liked each other and we went to his place where we fooled around. We spent a lot
of time together. We had similar interests in music, movies, and clothes.
"We were dating; he initiated the sex; it went on for 18
months. I was underage at the time and this posed a problem in my eyes. We had
been dating for a while and the first time was in his apartment and we did
everything, oral and anal-the anal later on. We were in love and it was a very
affectionate relationship and only ended when I went away to college. We grew
"He was a complete stranger. I was on vacation and our eyes met. He followed me and I knew. We talked for an hour and later got together for drinks. We were not drunk; did everything -- oral, anal; it was mutually initiated. I felt guilty for using this person for my pleasure. I felt confused because this was a new facet of my identity. We had sex two more times and then I ignored him. I felt proud I could get someone; this just allowed me to do homosexuality. I knew I was gay because of thoughts and fantasies."
Met at a floral shop; a month later the man asked him out on a date. On the date, the subject initiated sex at the man's house; it involved touching and body contact. Subject said it felt good and he was mentally involved, but did not have an orgasm. Subject said then the man fucked him; it was an intense feeling with an orgasm. They fell in love and dated for 2 years.
"Just before I signed up for military, I went to a gay bar
and met an older man there. No one ever suspected us because he was a drag queen
so they thought we were a hetero couple. We went together for three weeks before
I went into the military. It was great sex, but I wasn't in love with
With a married neighbor. "... we made eye contact during lunch one day. He was very nice looking and it was very obvious that he was attracted to me. He initiated all of the contact. I was very nervous and yet very excited. We had lunch a couple of times and then he invited me over to his penthouse after work one day. I definitely wanted to go; I went on my own free will. It was a very positive experience. He was the right person for me for the first time. I knew I liked him and I knew that I wanted to do something, but I didn't know what to do. So I let him take the lead. The first time there was no anal intercourse but we had full sex. I was also nervous because I was late for home after school. I already knew that I was gay long before this. We had several more experiences" (p. 82).
"I was on family vacation and went looking for sex on the 'fire island' of Europe where there was a nudist beach. I met three men -- one 40ish and a couple in their late 20s. We did everything, oral, anal -- and not gentle (my first time) so I felt a little used. We met again the next time at the beach and again had extensive sex. I wanted to stay but my family was leaving. I liked it and was always looking for action and getting away from the family."
Quotes for cases 1, 3, 4, 8, 10, 11, 14, 18, 20, and 25 were taken from Savin-Williams' (Savin- Williams, 1997) book -- page numbers are provided. Other quotes and descriptions were obtained directly from Savin-Williams. Ages of subjects and older partners when the sexual relations began are provided after the case numbers. A few subjects had additional sexual contacts with other men (Case 1 at age 14, then 15; Case 4 at age 17; Case 9, three more at age 16; Case 21, two more at age 17). Details were not recorded for these episodes.