[Back to Doc. List E2]
Spike: BE A ROLE MODEL
(From a web site, now not any more reachable)
Most kids are very aware of the differences between kids and adults. They do different things, that act in different ways. Bridging this gap is what their life is aiming at. Call it growth and development if you want, be the gap exists, and a kids yearning to reach toward adulthood is a defining factor in his life. He learns these behaviors and rules by imitating, and by testing.
What I wanted most was someone I could trust. To listen to me, to tell me the whole truth, someone that I couldnt tell was "doing whats best for me" behind my back. Someone whose word was good as gold. No unrealistic promises, no patronizing comments, no lies. And I was very quick to catch lies in most adults. No matter the justification (they always had a good reason for lying to me), I wanted someone who would allow me to act like an adult. Treat me with respect. Someone who I knew would keep a secret.
I had run into a few do-gooders. But they never had any respect for me, no loyalty. My friendship meant nothing to them. They would routinely speak the truth to any adult they met, but they insisted on lying to me, sugar coating life, talking down to me, and reporting back to someone everything that I said. These folks were far too aloof, in their own self-righteous way, to earn any respect from me.
I have never run into the opposite. A person that will not act like an adult. A person that cannot teach me what it is to be an adult. A person who is so busy trying to resolve their own conflicts about growing up that they insist on coming down to my level, or making a pathetic attempt to do so. I am afraid that if I were to venture very far out into the world of boylovers, I might find more than a few of these types out there.
You cant bolster my self-esteem by lying to me. You cant be truthful with me only when it suits your fancy. You cant act like a kid yourself. I realize that a youthful spirit is a wonderful gift, and it can allow you to share in my youth in a much more intimate manner, but it cant allow you to act like a kid yourself. The world expects you to take care of yourself, protect yourself, shoulder some responsibility, manage your own affairs. I expect this of you also. You are very good at loving me. How good are you at loving yourself? At being a "good role model"?
I am a kid that will undergo drastic changes in the next few years. Please dont constantly talk about our future together. It is reassuring to hear that you will always be there, in a way, but I have no understanding of how I will be in the future. I am about the here and now. Please dont belittle yourself by neglecting your own vital interests in order to show me how much you love me. In fact, you are trying to show yourself what love you are capable of. I cannot possibly love you, respect you, or learn from you, if you are not acting like a self-respecting, confident adult. I want you to treat me like a friend, like an adult friend. Not like a god, not like a toy.
I need to see the real you. I need to learn. I can only love those from whom I can learn. Learning is what my life is all about, and I must discard those who cling to me, those who worship me, those who belittle themselves in front of me. This is not behavior I wish to emulate. I want a partner, a companion. I am on a wonderful journey. I ask that you join me, hold my hand, support me, counsel me, respect me, and rejoice for me when, together, we achieve my goals.