Dear Ipce ... Dear Samir
My name is Samir,
I am not a paedophile, but I do support the rights of paedophiles. Throughout my childhood I had sex with men, and I have grown up like a normal human being, meaning men fucking me from a very young age did NOT destroy me. I have no mental issues etc.
There are many people like me, males & females who are psychologically sound, and having sex with adults from a very young age did NOT ruin them. Infact, it was the best time of my life, & if I had the power to relive those days, I would.
Those men where also my mentors.
They were kind, sincere, & helped in anyway they could. Paedophiles come from all backgrounds, businessmen, doctors, engineers, sales people, just like anyone, and most of them won't harm anyone let alone a kid. Who ever said that children do not have sexual needs is a lie in every sense of the word, I didn't realise my sexual needs until I had sex and it was the most intense experience in my life, positively so, and I'm grateful for all the men who were in my life & I was in theirs.
Unfortunately, the media only focuses on those who have been "destroyed" by the experience, yet purposely gives a blind eye to the people who have been through the same experience, loved it & have grown up to be totally fine individuals, like me, like many others. But why?? Why the defamation & devilisation of paedophiles when it's a normal thing just like any sexuality. Why ignore our voices, the ones who enjoyed the company of men, Why?
Now I know that you tend to focus on adults who have sex or relationships with youths who have reached puberty, and that you might not tolerate the idea of pre-puberty children having sex with adult men, but I would like to say that I had my first sexual experience with a man when I was six years of age, and it was magical & intimate. I know you might say I was way too young, but I myself experienced it, and I loved it, and I'm grateful every single day for that first time. [...]
There were ofcourse other children too between the ages of 5 & 8.
Those same men taught us ...
... how to play football, how to swim, how to calculate, how to gain more confidence, how to climb, everything. To them our bodies was the price we had to pay, but we were more than happy to do so. I enjoyed every intimate moment with every man, the man's satisfaction was such a pleasure that it made me shiver. [...]
Ofcourse they also loved young pre-pubescent girls, but they weren't readily available like as boys, especially when you consider that it's a Middle Eastern society.
Now that I have grown up ...
into a responsible young man, I'm gay, bottom, I have sex with men, yet nothing has been as sexually satisfying as those years that continued until I was almost 14, & unfornutaly nothing can bring those years back. [...]
My mother & I ...
... now live in some Eastern European nation. I was born & raised in a Middle Eastern nation, raising my almost 7 year old niece. My sister aka her mother has died in an accident, and the father left way before she died, and so its me and my dear mother raising my niece.
Whenever I take my niece out to park, to school, grocery etc I do realize that she attracts many glances from different men, & surprisingly she seems to enjoy the attention. It reminds me of my years back then. I sometimes wonder, should I give her more freedom aka autonomy & see if she would like it, she seems like she loves it, but I wonder would she like till the end? She does stare back at them with a child cheeky grin. But I really don't know what to do.
Once my mum was out, & I had to call the plumber because of leakage in the kitchen and the bathroom, & while I was making a phone call, it was very quiet, I went to the kitchen he was sitting on the chair his hand was up on my niece's thigh underneath her dress and making funny noises to her while she was giggling & her hands was around his thick neck. The moment I came in, he almost panicked but I showed him that its okay as if I didn't notice. When he got up he had this quite noticeable bulge, seemed like she was sitting on it.
I paid him, but he insisted that it was a minor problem (even though it wasn't) and took a fraction of the cost after I insisted, all the while he kept glancing at my niece. She kept screaming she wants to go on his van, I told her no, but she kept insisting and started to cry, I told her: OK, as long as he doesn't drive and as long as she comes after 3 minutes, his face beamed, I pretended I didn't understand anything.
She went with him to see his van, 5 minutes past and I had to go to bring her in. I went, he was French kissing her inside the van, holding her tightly with his other hand on her buttocks. I silently stepped back and screamed her name, so that he doesn't know that I saw them. She came back quickly. And I took her to the house. He drove away. Honestly he genuinely looks like a nice guy. And in some way knows that I'm giving him the green light.
Now he is calling asking if he could pass by because he forgot some of his plumbing tools, I know he's lying, and I lied too telling him we're out of town for a week.
Now I don't know what to do ...
Shall I give her more freedom, she seems to extremely enjoy the physical attention of men, and I feel helpless, should I give her the freedom, or be strict? If I were her, I'd love to have more autonomy more freedom, and be allowed to have men in my life. I know you are a man/boy organisation, but where can I seek advise for man/girl?.
I'd like to add again, children do have sexual desires, they do have orgasms/dry orgasms, I had them, my friends back then had them, and most of the time they need adults to fulfil that desire, I have never been attracted to children my age back then.
But when you're responsible for a child, how do you allow people into their life and keep them safe at the same time?
Thank you for your time for reading this. I know you might feel uncomfortable in redards to the ages mentioned, but I wanted to be totally honest explaining what my experience was like.
Thanks for your open hearted letter. Pretty for you to remember your experiences as positive.
Indeed, there exist 'Positive memories', scientifically proven; see
< https://www.ipce.info/host/rivas/positive_memories.htm >,
< https://www.ipce.info/library/keyword/139 > and
< https://www.ipce.info/ipceweb/Library/99015_research.htm >.
Pretty for your niece, and the plumber, to experience love.
However, there is an 'However'.
There also exist negative memories, problems, harm, also scientifically proven. During acting sexually with a young child, one is not able to foresee the child's memories later, when the child is an adult in its twenties. There is a chance of harm. Thus, in my (and all or nearly all Ipce's members) opinion, do not take the risk.
A child needs food; a child may enjoy sugar products, sweets, chocolate, but also healthy food. In the case of food, some kind of regulation is always needed. The same holds for sexual experiences.
A rule might be:
'No adult sex or erotica with a child, only childish sex or erotica with an adult'. Childish sex or erotica does not imply penetration, especially no 'fucking', no copulation, for girls as well as for boys. You described the pain, many have described the pain, the confusion, the estrangement, the trauma, the post-traumatic stress, as well as the burden to live with a secret.
Thus, do not take this risk with your niece.
Your task is to protect her against possible harm, on the subject of food, of the traffic on the streets as well of the chance of harm by experiencing adult sex. Childish erotica is hugging, fondling, kissing, but not penetration. This implies regulating and controlling the behavior of the plumber (and others and yourself), which you indeed have done ordering the three or five minutes in the van.
Ipce does not promote pedophilia, is not a man-boy-love organozation, it discusses on a scholarly level mutual relationships between children and adults, including intimate relationships. Scholarly discussion implies knowledge on the scholarly entific level. Science tells us that there are positive sexual memories, but also negative sexual memories.
We need to acknowledge the crucial difference between pedophilia (feelings) and pedosexuality (acts). A discussion on the scholarly level implies discussion about the psyche, but also about society and about ethics.
The discussion about ethics is summarized in the basic 'First do no harm', and reported in "The Tail end of a Dachshund" on
Frans Gieles, PhD, webmaster & secretary of Ipce.
< https://www.ipce.info/library/web-article/tail-end-dachshund >, written by myself,