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The Boylover as Society's Screen for Shadow Projection

by Romhildt Weimar, NAMBLA Updates December 2009 - edited version, with thanks to the author and NAMBLA

It turns out that there is a good reason why the boylover is vilified by society: They can't help it. Modem society's hatred for the boylover is a natural by-product of society's own love for boys. The problem is that they just can't admit to themselves that they do in fact love boys. The most they can allow themselves of this pleasure is the occasional adoration of famous boy actors and such. They will not permit themselves to see boys as they truly are: beautiful noisy playful expressions of Eros.

For unfortunate and complicated historical reasons,  there is just no room in the current world culture for that kind of natural freedom to love boys. And so, if the culture can't accept their own innate impulse towards the love of boys, if they cannot accept the wisdom of love, then it turns into hate, and is projected onto others - and preferably where it stick the best, i.e. on a boy lover, or the strange friendly guy who hangs out with boys all the time.

This seems to be the basic human strategy to deal with stuff that we don't like about ourselves: We put it all in a collection called 'the shadow' of the personality, and then we systematically project these shadow elements onto other people whenever possible. This is automatic and unconscious; it happens silently and secretly.

The idea behind this strategy is that now instead of hating ourselves (which is too painful), we instead hate other people. And it seems to work, but it really doesn't. It's actually a very bad strategy because the hate energy is still there inside of you.

The only way to end this harmful charade is to re-own your shadow by loving yourself as yourself. Then there is nothing to project.

Pretty much everyone does this. And it literally fill world with hate. Which is not so good.

Here's a simple way to tell when you are projecting your shadow: If another person affects you -- like puts you in a bad mood, deeply bothers you, disgusts you, or really gets on your nerves -- then you are projecting what you hate about yourself onto that person. On the other hand, if a person simply informs you -- for example, you notice that they are loud or annoying or disgusting or rude or angry -- then you are not projecting, you are just noticing how that person is acting. It's scary how simple it is, considering that this is a fairly sophisticated psychological mechanism that we're talking about.

People do this on an individual level, but they also do it in groups with their collective shadow. And this is what society has unconsciously decided to do with its natural love for boys.

Everyone loves boys.*

* This is not to say that girls are not universally loved as well; this author knows several really cool little girls. It is just beyond the scope of an essay about boy love, which is this author's expertise and burden.

For one, because they are children, they are cute. That element is hardwired into our biology so that we don't kill and eat all the children. As well, because they are children, they have not yet been fully indoctrinated by society's stiff and certain rules, and thus are still able to be free and true. This truth is beauty.

Plus, boys are generally boisterous and rambunctious and exuberant, and this can be great fun to be around. And they never talk about money or politics because they have none -- although they will occasionally talk about God, which is always interesting.

Boys are just great, and they're easy to fall in love with --  Granted that boy lovers make the same mistake common to sexual relationships in that often the sex is used as a substitute for love, rather than an expression of love. And everyone knows it.

The historical record of the ancient and universal love of boys is no accident. People love boys because they are lovable. Who wouldn't mind a happy snuggle with a cute little guy? But in general, this is not allowed.

Why? As said above, society hates that it feels attracted to boys. It does not want to own that part of itself. And so it insanely projects its own shadow of self-hate onto people it suspects are boy lovers. But then they are not 'boylovers' anymore; they are child molesters, sexual predators, monsters, criminals.

The fact that there are indeed morally corrupt child molesters out there only serves to confuse and complicate this point. The existence of these malignant and violent forms of what perhaps began as genuine boy love is unfortunate; it takes the whole 'love' part out of boy love.

But I suspect that the ridiculously hostile environment that has been created for boylovers (thru the collective demonizing projection) simply crushes the psyche of some people, resulting in sociopathic or at least ultra-selfish sexual behavior. And this is the general demerit for shadow projection: It fosters a hostile environment for everyone .

In other words, society's extreme hatred of the boy lover is only society's hatred of what it cannot accept about itself: that it loves boys too. Otherwise society would just barely notice the boy lover and the happy boy, would shrug its collective shoulders, and would move on to the real criminals.

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